The Mother of all Vacuums

by dbell58


I am the owner of a vacuum, the power of which is still not fathomed by

scientists. It has a 3000 horsepower motor and sits in my shop like Jabba

the Hut. It is 25 feet tall and rotund. When you turn it on it sounds like I

imagine an F-5 tornado might. It was sold to me as a dust collector, which I

figured was a good thing to capture no-see-um like particles of saw dust

that could make a home in my lungs. I soon discovered that I could take

the 200 foot hose and do a little shop vacuuming, as well as suction away

sawdust  from machines as I sanded and sawed my Shaker Boxes. (Please

excuse the shameless plug here.) Anyhow,

the hose is bigger than a fire truck hose and I soon discovered that

anything within 50feet of the nozzle was history. Well, 50 feet is hard to

judge sometimes and one day I was vacuuming near a  row of nearly

finished Shaker Boxes waiting for a final sanding. The box on the end of the

row shot into the hose like a bullet and within seconds I heard the

splintering sound of Shaker shards as the box  was shredded by the

impeller in the V-8 engine housing of the motor. I was devastated! My

future,unique, (shameless plug here) box was

history. I soon learned to hide my Shaker boxes when I vacuumed with

Jabba the Hut. But it was too late. I discovered when I was emptying

sawdust from Java’s stomach that another Shaker box had been

“swallowed” by the hungry beast.But this one had miraculously not been

shredded by the impeller.I have learned my lesson. These days, I put away

any object not bolted down,or that weighs less than 500 lbs when my

shop-vac is on… Has anybody seen my cat lately?

Java's Mouth